How I Went From Shy to Less Shy
I was pushed to it mainly when I started my job. Before, I wouldn't say I was too shy but unsure, uncertain in many things. Still like being the teenager and not an adult so how to argue with them about something which they should know better just because they live longer. Also when meeting new people, it's not that I was totally quiet but I was holding back with my opinion in first place and even more with private stories. You never know if they may talk you over or try to use it against you. The lack of self esteem is something normal at an younger age I believe, at least it was it for me, but when I had to take ownership for my work I was quickly getting more and more confident. Not only in business where you develop a kind of knowledge about your business but also for me as private person. Part of my job was and still is to work with people around the world and its not a fixed team for the next ten years, no, it's changing, sometimes very quickly. New team members, new staff hired, new clients, things and people are moving and to adapt to this world you need to develop a style of getting along with all these changes and cultural differences. I can never expect that one client is working as the other and for my internal staff I realize that the e.g. hungarian team member is not working exactly in the same way as the israelian even if it is exactly the same job. To be honest, I like it, it's sometimes driving me crazy but most of the time I'm happy to be in the position to meet so many different persons. I learned a lot for my life even if some tasks like holding a speech in front of several persons was scaring me in the beginning. Learning while doing is the best as you have to go through it and I can say that it was always a lesson learned for me and I was proud when it went good. So no reason to be scared, you will be proud afterwards when it went fine and if not you will have learned what to change for the next time. Another important part for me was to get used to write and talk English as this is the main language in my business. When I started I had my school English plus a few books I read, nowadays I'm talking as if I never did anything else, this may not be perfect and there may be mistakes but I'm neither an English teacher nor a native speaker, as long as the main part is ok and people are able to understand what I'm saying or writing I'm fine. Ad why do I title this post "...from shy to less shy" - am I only less shy? You could assume I'm not shy at all now but the truth is, I'm still a bit shy and it's good that way. But it's something I know, I'm pretty good in hiding it so that most of the people are not realizing that part. It's not visible, it's like my inner shield telling me to be cautious or careful. I'm not the one talking about every single moment of my life as long as I don't know the person in front of me. Sometimes not even when I knew them better for good reasons, as we all know not all people are nice just because they act in a nice way and I never was the person who wants to be topic during lunch for others. The less I talk about me, the less they have to talk about me. Only a well picked small circle of friends knows how I am really and they don't even know everything - that's enough. I learned to never arm people with information to use it against me one day. But what counts the most as always is to stay yourself and to be authentic.
Keep the faith and take care!
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Sunday, October 28, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
My favorite...body oil
My favorite...body oil
When I went to Parrot Cay back in 2008 we stayed at the Como Shambhala Resort on this island and that was the first time I got into contact with their own beauty series.
Besides the fact that I like almost all products my absolutely favorite is the "Como Shambhala Invigorate Body Oil".
The scent is seducing, it's a mixture of several essential oils, biological ingredients and it is smelling like a spa version of mainly lavender, sweet almond, peppermint and eucalyptus.
When the bottle was empty I was searching on how to buy it being back in Germany. As a shipment from the Turks and Caicos islands wasn't my first thought. It's not too cheap and I didn't want to pay a fortune on it. Google helped and I haven't expected that there is really a shop in Munich selling it. Lucky me! I don't use it daily, it is something special and thats how I treat it. A 100ml bottle is lasting several months, sometimes I just pour a few drops into my body lotion which is neutral, this is a nice way to save it for a longer period.
But for all who want to try it also, my best tip is the following webpage: http://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/
This page is addictive as you find products there which are not available everywhere and this is something I like.
They don't sell the body but the massage oil which is even better (ingredients are exactly the same). I just rub a bit onto my skin and the scent is surrounding you within seconds. For me always a short time-out and also nice to calm down before I sleep. I love this scent!
When I went to Parrot Cay back in 2008 we stayed at the Como Shambhala Resort on this island and that was the first time I got into contact with their own beauty series.
Besides the fact that I like almost all products my absolutely favorite is the "Como Shambhala Invigorate Body Oil".
The scent is seducing, it's a mixture of several essential oils, biological ingredients and it is smelling like a spa version of mainly lavender, sweet almond, peppermint and eucalyptus.
When the bottle was empty I was searching on how to buy it being back in Germany. As a shipment from the Turks and Caicos islands wasn't my first thought. It's not too cheap and I didn't want to pay a fortune on it. Google helped and I haven't expected that there is really a shop in Munich selling it. Lucky me! I don't use it daily, it is something special and thats how I treat it. A 100ml bottle is lasting several months, sometimes I just pour a few drops into my body lotion which is neutral, this is a nice way to save it for a longer period.
But for all who want to try it also, my best tip is the following webpage: http://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/
This page is addictive as you find products there which are not available everywhere and this is something I like.
They don't sell the body but the massage oil which is even better (ingredients are exactly the same). I just rub a bit onto my skin and the scent is surrounding you within seconds. For me always a short time-out and also nice to calm down before I sleep. I love this scent!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Comments
Since I started I see that people are reading my posts but I can't get a feeling on if you like what you read or not. Please feel free to comment, I'm happy to get feedback in any way. If negative I may improve as the reader is focusing differently on posts than the writer. So comments are really welcome ☺
The right place, the wrong time…
The right place, the wrong time…
Does this really exist? I strongly believe that we are always where we should be and things happen if they should happen so this sentence makes no sense for me. What I experienced so far is that everything what happened had a deeper sense. Even if we don't catch it directly in the second, afterwards I found out what things were good for. If you have faith in life and believe that there is something/someone guiding us, where should be the right place during the wrong time? We wouldn't be there if its wrong. From my point of view we are at places exactly at that time we have to be there - OK, I'm not talking about being late for scheduled dates because of ridiculous reasons like not have a dry nail polish in time - it's about life in total and we are led to the places where we have to be. Even if it seems as if everything is going wrong or into the wrong direction it will teach us lessons. As soon as this is understood many thing are more clear, maybe not easy to handle, but we have an idea on how to handle them, change them, revert our habits and so on. I love to learn and to gain new views on everything life is about and when I started to be more cautious, more curious, more keen to know it gave me a different kind of thinking. We should embrace and cherish what we have instead of reaching for the stars as often the stars are already present but we are just too blind to realize. Life is learning until the end and that's what is making it so special.
Be faithful and trust in life, I believe that's the key.
Does this really exist? I strongly believe that we are always where we should be and things happen if they should happen so this sentence makes no sense for me. What I experienced so far is that everything what happened had a deeper sense. Even if we don't catch it directly in the second, afterwards I found out what things were good for. If you have faith in life and believe that there is something/someone guiding us, where should be the right place during the wrong time? We wouldn't be there if its wrong. From my point of view we are at places exactly at that time we have to be there - OK, I'm not talking about being late for scheduled dates because of ridiculous reasons like not have a dry nail polish in time - it's about life in total and we are led to the places where we have to be. Even if it seems as if everything is going wrong or into the wrong direction it will teach us lessons. As soon as this is understood many thing are more clear, maybe not easy to handle, but we have an idea on how to handle them, change them, revert our habits and so on. I love to learn and to gain new views on everything life is about and when I started to be more cautious, more curious, more keen to know it gave me a different kind of thinking. We should embrace and cherish what we have instead of reaching for the stars as often the stars are already present but we are just too blind to realize. Life is learning until the end and that's what is making it so special.
Be faithful and trust in life, I believe that's the key.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Crap TV
Crap TV
I don't know if its just a German phenomenon but during the past years the tv programm was becoming more and more crap and trash.
Where are all the good movies? Where are the interesting talks and discussions?
When I just start zapping through channels in the evening I hardly find anything interesting to watch. Instead of movies it's common to have tv shows, singing contests, problematic couples, youngsters, pets, news about catastrophes around the world and celebrity stuff.
I'm wondering which persons are keen to see all this as it seems to be the majority. TV channels are adapting their program to what people want to see. That's scary if you think about it. Which insane mind wants all this crap each day? Interesting topics are on late in the evening or even in the middle of the night. But the main question is what is happening to our society if that's the new "normal"? Are we losing our minds from generation to generation? I'm not that old to say sentences like "when I was young it was..." but I already found myself several times saying it. And if you look at people outside you already realize there was a change, which in first place isn't bad at all, changes are needed cause otherwise it would mean we stopped living, the problem is that these changes are not good ones. It's not only crap on TV, it's also just in front of your door when you step outside.
I'm living next to a school with children from twelve to sixteen years, when they have lunch breaks and you see them walking, talking, acting its like another planet. When I imagine myself at this age I was still almost a child, nowadays girls with thirteen look like eighteen or even more, dressed up in mini-mini-skirts, a make up like a parrot, smelling as if they just walked out of a perfume store, wearing the highest high-heels available. Is that the new normal? Every girl is the next top model of the world at this age because that's what they are taught on TV or the web. Boys are like gangsters, they have to be so cool and stylish, where stylish means the clothing out of the newest rap videos, and what they don't are allowed too is to show emotions, that would be the worst thing. They can have each girl as their new girl friend if they want, at least that's what they think.
The problem is from my point of view honestly the lack of possibilities. Parents have no ideas than to place them from sometimes the age of two onwards in front of the TV. And TV to learn what life is about cannot work at all. If I remember my childhood the TV was there but it was not the main part of my childhood. We went outside whenever it was possible, played in the garden, the small forest nearby or just strolled through the village. Collecting beetles in summer, eating corn directly in the field, all the stuff where I would say that's what children should do. Instead the society is keeping them inside, in summer is too hot, in winter too cold, the surrounding isn't safe enough and the TV or play station is not disturbing the adults in their daily routine. If that's really the new normal I will be an awful future mom, I'm sure that my child will not be allowed to watch stupid stuff the whole day. I want it to know how grass smells or a beetle looks like, I want it to activate its fantasy to play instead of reading instructions of the new computer game. And TV will be a hard battle, fortunately all nice movies for children are available as DVDs but for the crap on TV there will be no way, at last as long as I'm in charge of it.
Go outside, read books, choose carefully what to watch on TV, communicate, love, surround yourself with thinking mind, this may beware us of getting "crap" people...
I don't know if its just a German phenomenon but during the past years the tv programm was becoming more and more crap and trash.
Where are all the good movies? Where are the interesting talks and discussions?
When I just start zapping through channels in the evening I hardly find anything interesting to watch. Instead of movies it's common to have tv shows, singing contests, problematic couples, youngsters, pets, news about catastrophes around the world and celebrity stuff.
I'm wondering which persons are keen to see all this as it seems to be the majority. TV channels are adapting their program to what people want to see. That's scary if you think about it. Which insane mind wants all this crap each day? Interesting topics are on late in the evening or even in the middle of the night. But the main question is what is happening to our society if that's the new "normal"? Are we losing our minds from generation to generation? I'm not that old to say sentences like "when I was young it was..." but I already found myself several times saying it. And if you look at people outside you already realize there was a change, which in first place isn't bad at all, changes are needed cause otherwise it would mean we stopped living, the problem is that these changes are not good ones. It's not only crap on TV, it's also just in front of your door when you step outside.
I'm living next to a school with children from twelve to sixteen years, when they have lunch breaks and you see them walking, talking, acting its like another planet. When I imagine myself at this age I was still almost a child, nowadays girls with thirteen look like eighteen or even more, dressed up in mini-mini-skirts, a make up like a parrot, smelling as if they just walked out of a perfume store, wearing the highest high-heels available. Is that the new normal? Every girl is the next top model of the world at this age because that's what they are taught on TV or the web. Boys are like gangsters, they have to be so cool and stylish, where stylish means the clothing out of the newest rap videos, and what they don't are allowed too is to show emotions, that would be the worst thing. They can have each girl as their new girl friend if they want, at least that's what they think.
The problem is from my point of view honestly the lack of possibilities. Parents have no ideas than to place them from sometimes the age of two onwards in front of the TV. And TV to learn what life is about cannot work at all. If I remember my childhood the TV was there but it was not the main part of my childhood. We went outside whenever it was possible, played in the garden, the small forest nearby or just strolled through the village. Collecting beetles in summer, eating corn directly in the field, all the stuff where I would say that's what children should do. Instead the society is keeping them inside, in summer is too hot, in winter too cold, the surrounding isn't safe enough and the TV or play station is not disturbing the adults in their daily routine. If that's really the new normal I will be an awful future mom, I'm sure that my child will not be allowed to watch stupid stuff the whole day. I want it to know how grass smells or a beetle looks like, I want it to activate its fantasy to play instead of reading instructions of the new computer game. And TV will be a hard battle, fortunately all nice movies for children are available as DVDs but for the crap on TV there will be no way, at last as long as I'm in charge of it.
Go outside, read books, choose carefully what to watch on TV, communicate, love, surround yourself with thinking mind, this may beware us of getting "crap" people...
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Waiting for the day...
Waiting for the day...
It's near now, the day my fiancé will finally be with me again, and what am I doing?
Starting to clean my flat but not in a normal way, no, from the deepest places up to what is visible.
Why am I doing it? Simple explanation, I just want to focus on what's important during his stay and not thinking about stupid cleaning or sorting out or whatever during this precious time. And besides I do this normally every two or three years but nowadays it's something special. One wardrobe is almost empty for him to store his clothes. Nothing would be more stupid than living out of a suitcase for one month and I want him to have the feeling to be at home and not feeling like a guest. The same for my bathroom which is normally crowded with my bottles and creams and make up, now it's pure and clean and free space for men's stuff (which isn't that much compared to women's). The living room is as cosy as it could be because it will be wintertime and it's already getting colder each day. A place to snuggle up in warm light and relax, that's how I like it and how it always has been but now it becomes a special meaning. We will spend our time here together once again and I can't wait for the days to pass by until its reality. These weeks will be exciting as we will meet parts of the family, mine and his, so the plan is to drive there at the beginning of his stay so that we end up with lots of time afterwards just for the two of us.
It's interesting to start something new with the unique feeling of having found the missing piece in life. Sure as adults there have been relationships in the past but if you then found someone where it feels so right just from the very first beginning it's something special. It's hard to explain but I already thought I found it and was proven wrong afterwards and now it's so different. Different in the best meaning as I cannot see one single piece which could separate us. This is something I never had before, the feeling of being completely complete with this man on my side even when it seems for outsiders not that easy - living thousand of miles apart, out of different cultures, that cannot be easy. I can assure you it is! If you love each other as basis and then discover the same humor, the same sense of what life should be like for the two of you, the same opinions about values, family, even the same taste in many things, then you are able to make it. Even if I'm completely stressed and tired after a long working day i just need to hear his voice shortly and calm down because I know that this is more important than anything else. Relationships are precious and not only the one to your wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or fiancé. Life is built on relationships with every kind of human being as these are the people around you who should be there for you whatever life is going to give you. People who bring you down, make you sad, are envying you or putting stones on your way are the wrong ones, this is also something to sort out. I did it a few months ago and that was the right decision. Surround yourself with honest persons! It's early for me to write all these sentences but I am absolutely doubtless. Which doesn't mean that we won't face difficulties but I'm sure we will go towards each other when facing them to find the middle way instead of running apart. No one said life is easy so why should we give up on something we finally found so easily? It will be an absolutely exciting time, my family can't wait almost like me to meet the new family member and my mom is already caring as if her own son is coming home, asking me every now and then what to cook for the first evening and buying warm bedclothes so that he is not freezing in winter time. And his family will be another adventure for me. He has an uncle in Belgium who moved there a long time ago, also married to a European, and I like to listen to their stories on how they did it. They still seem to be happy together and this is what we want for our future. So you see, there are many things more important than cleaning up and when the most is done before he arrives I just can focus on the main parts in life. Another effect is that I start to sit on my couch more relaxed when I know that I have nothing else to do instead of enjoying quality time. It's freeing my mind and soul and is giving me a certain kind of serenity.
Not faithless - no, full of faith!
Take care!
It's near now, the day my fiancé will finally be with me again, and what am I doing?
Starting to clean my flat but not in a normal way, no, from the deepest places up to what is visible.
Why am I doing it? Simple explanation, I just want to focus on what's important during his stay and not thinking about stupid cleaning or sorting out or whatever during this precious time. And besides I do this normally every two or three years but nowadays it's something special. One wardrobe is almost empty for him to store his clothes. Nothing would be more stupid than living out of a suitcase for one month and I want him to have the feeling to be at home and not feeling like a guest. The same for my bathroom which is normally crowded with my bottles and creams and make up, now it's pure and clean and free space for men's stuff (which isn't that much compared to women's). The living room is as cosy as it could be because it will be wintertime and it's already getting colder each day. A place to snuggle up in warm light and relax, that's how I like it and how it always has been but now it becomes a special meaning. We will spend our time here together once again and I can't wait for the days to pass by until its reality. These weeks will be exciting as we will meet parts of the family, mine and his, so the plan is to drive there at the beginning of his stay so that we end up with lots of time afterwards just for the two of us.
It's interesting to start something new with the unique feeling of having found the missing piece in life. Sure as adults there have been relationships in the past but if you then found someone where it feels so right just from the very first beginning it's something special. It's hard to explain but I already thought I found it and was proven wrong afterwards and now it's so different. Different in the best meaning as I cannot see one single piece which could separate us. This is something I never had before, the feeling of being completely complete with this man on my side even when it seems for outsiders not that easy - living thousand of miles apart, out of different cultures, that cannot be easy. I can assure you it is! If you love each other as basis and then discover the same humor, the same sense of what life should be like for the two of you, the same opinions about values, family, even the same taste in many things, then you are able to make it. Even if I'm completely stressed and tired after a long working day i just need to hear his voice shortly and calm down because I know that this is more important than anything else. Relationships are precious and not only the one to your wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or fiancé. Life is built on relationships with every kind of human being as these are the people around you who should be there for you whatever life is going to give you. People who bring you down, make you sad, are envying you or putting stones on your way are the wrong ones, this is also something to sort out. I did it a few months ago and that was the right decision. Surround yourself with honest persons! It's early for me to write all these sentences but I am absolutely doubtless. Which doesn't mean that we won't face difficulties but I'm sure we will go towards each other when facing them to find the middle way instead of running apart. No one said life is easy so why should we give up on something we finally found so easily? It will be an absolutely exciting time, my family can't wait almost like me to meet the new family member and my mom is already caring as if her own son is coming home, asking me every now and then what to cook for the first evening and buying warm bedclothes so that he is not freezing in winter time. And his family will be another adventure for me. He has an uncle in Belgium who moved there a long time ago, also married to a European, and I like to listen to their stories on how they did it. They still seem to be happy together and this is what we want for our future. So you see, there are many things more important than cleaning up and when the most is done before he arrives I just can focus on the main parts in life. Another effect is that I start to sit on my couch more relaxed when I know that I have nothing else to do instead of enjoying quality time. It's freeing my mind and soul and is giving me a certain kind of serenity.
Not faithless - no, full of faith!
Take care!
Friday, October 12, 2012
Weird advertising
Weird advertising
A perfume is called an "essence" for woman - what do I do without it? My life has to be senseless as I'm lacking the "essence". Best to hide myself from society from today onwards as I will never be able to fit into all these ideal 'what a women should be like' pictures.
Make up for a "bare skin effect", make up for "naked skin effect"? Why to wear it then at all? Am I the only one not getting the sense here? I thought make up should underline, cover, make the skin even, but naked?
If I finally buy the "essence" perfume what about the one which gives me "the scent of eternal beauty" - can I use them both at the same time or do I have to choose between "essence" and "eternal beauty"? As long as I have the cream on my face which is bringing the "illuminating magic light" onto my skin I will choose the "essence". And good to know that I can completely ruin my hair with too much heat as I just have to use the shampoo "to erase the damage of 100 blow-drys within 7 days" afterwards. As addition I can use the hair cream which makes my hair ten times healthier. Next advertisement and I have another problem. A new scent which should make me able to "choose your own path to happiness". I want this too but am not sure if it can be combined with "essence" and "eternal beauty".
Enhance your flawless face...may I use it under or above the "naked skin effect"?
The "24 hour eyeshadow" is a nice idea but not sure if I have to take it off before I add the "over night repair" cream to my skin which can do miracles while I'm sleeping. And is it still OK to use the patches to keep wrinkles in check and prevent furrows while sleeping?
I think I found the solution for my face. I just buy the cream "within ten days a 25% reduction of wrinkles" - means forty days and I look like in my twenties and no need for any further make up or cream, right?
My face is OK now and i don't care too much about my hair as the solution is the wonder shampoo but the next problem is just around the corner - my body. Is it appropriate to use the "anti-aging" body lotion with thirty-four or should I go with the one for "dry skin"? And which for "dry-skin"? The slightly tanning lotion with sparkling effect or better with silk proteins? I would love the one with this blend of rosemary but this may not go together with the perfume. You think these decisions are not easy? Ha, in comparison of what is adequate to wear it is, believe me. Clothes are more difficult to choose. The skirt which is too mini should not be on a women above twenty-five but the longer version looks like my grandma's. And why looks it so nice on a cover but when I have the same combination my mirror says "NOOOO"? Do I have to choose upfront if I'm the boho, pure, leather, business, mexican, clean, color or nude type or is it ok to be kin of schizophrenic in regards to fashion? Oh gosh, is there a therapist specialized on "who am I and how should I look like"?!? I'm lost in this world. Can I still drive a BMW wearing flat boots or is it only possible with the red sole high heels? And what about my flat, is it stylish enough to go out to the new opened "low carb, healthy vegetable" restaurant or do I have to move upfront into a loft?
Are these the important questions in life? If you believe what you see, then yes.
Fortunately I'm not believing all this and just do what I like, wear what I like, eat what I like and live in a way which makes me happy. Nothing is perfect or flawless or illuminated and you know what - that's exactly what I want! Maybe I'm the individual, unique type.
Find yourself regardless of what the majority think as you don't live for them, your life is just for you!
Keep the faith!
A perfume is called an "essence" for woman - what do I do without it? My life has to be senseless as I'm lacking the "essence". Best to hide myself from society from today onwards as I will never be able to fit into all these ideal 'what a women should be like' pictures.
Make up for a "bare skin effect", make up for "naked skin effect"? Why to wear it then at all? Am I the only one not getting the sense here? I thought make up should underline, cover, make the skin even, but naked?
If I finally buy the "essence" perfume what about the one which gives me "the scent of eternal beauty" - can I use them both at the same time or do I have to choose between "essence" and "eternal beauty"? As long as I have the cream on my face which is bringing the "illuminating magic light" onto my skin I will choose the "essence". And good to know that I can completely ruin my hair with too much heat as I just have to use the shampoo "to erase the damage of 100 blow-drys within 7 days" afterwards. As addition I can use the hair cream which makes my hair ten times healthier. Next advertisement and I have another problem. A new scent which should make me able to "choose your own path to happiness". I want this too but am not sure if it can be combined with "essence" and "eternal beauty".
Enhance your flawless face...may I use it under or above the "naked skin effect"?
The "24 hour eyeshadow" is a nice idea but not sure if I have to take it off before I add the "over night repair" cream to my skin which can do miracles while I'm sleeping. And is it still OK to use the patches to keep wrinkles in check and prevent furrows while sleeping?
I think I found the solution for my face. I just buy the cream "within ten days a 25% reduction of wrinkles" - means forty days and I look like in my twenties and no need for any further make up or cream, right?
My face is OK now and i don't care too much about my hair as the solution is the wonder shampoo but the next problem is just around the corner - my body. Is it appropriate to use the "anti-aging" body lotion with thirty-four or should I go with the one for "dry skin"? And which for "dry-skin"? The slightly tanning lotion with sparkling effect or better with silk proteins? I would love the one with this blend of rosemary but this may not go together with the perfume. You think these decisions are not easy? Ha, in comparison of what is adequate to wear it is, believe me. Clothes are more difficult to choose. The skirt which is too mini should not be on a women above twenty-five but the longer version looks like my grandma's. And why looks it so nice on a cover but when I have the same combination my mirror says "NOOOO"? Do I have to choose upfront if I'm the boho, pure, leather, business, mexican, clean, color or nude type or is it ok to be kin of schizophrenic in regards to fashion? Oh gosh, is there a therapist specialized on "who am I and how should I look like"?!? I'm lost in this world. Can I still drive a BMW wearing flat boots or is it only possible with the red sole high heels? And what about my flat, is it stylish enough to go out to the new opened "low carb, healthy vegetable" restaurant or do I have to move upfront into a loft?
Are these the important questions in life? If you believe what you see, then yes.
Fortunately I'm not believing all this and just do what I like, wear what I like, eat what I like and live in a way which makes me happy. Nothing is perfect or flawless or illuminated and you know what - that's exactly what I want! Maybe I'm the individual, unique type.
Find yourself regardless of what the majority think as you don't live for them, your life is just for you!
Keep the faith!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Madrid 2012
Madrid 2012
I told you I will for sure write something when being back. At the moment I'm sitting in the plane from Madrid back to Munich and yes, I like the idea of being back in my cosy home and in my own bed at night, but if it comes to the weather I'm scared to step out of the plane after arrival in Munich. When I left on Sunday it were thirteen °C and Madrid welcomed us with twenty-six °C. The mean thing is that this was for sure my last trip into the sun for this year. From today onwards the temperature will decrease into the darkest winter season and no plans before february/march next year to escape this winter. We didn't had too much time left for just sitting it the sun and purely enjoying it but even if it was work we got a glimpse of a small vacation feeling. And Madrid is a relaxed city, people there have the typical Southern European style. Life everywhere you go, the streets in the city centre are crowded during the evening as if life I just about to start in the evening hours. Something I like so much as people seem to be much more relaxed than for example busy Germans. Having dinner at seven and not later because early sleep is needed to be back in the office the next morning at eight. Spanish people also work, at least the people I met from our company, and the workload isn't less than mine, so how do they do it? I believe that the "key" is to set priorities, to not being perfect for eight hours a day and be relaxed. I'm not saying we all have to be relaxed our whole life now, we all face challenges, hurdles, timelines from time to time but nobody can make me believe that he or she has each day the most important job on this earth and it would fall into pieces as soon as the behavior is changed. We are not ruling the world, we may have important jobs whereas the word important is interpreted in many different meanings, but we are exchangeable, most of us. This trip was in first place for an on-the-job training but it taught me also life lessons. Even our trainers who see many different countries and offices within a short period of time are hunting through the day to finish classes earlier than planned and we didn't miss important parts. I think even the opposite, we covered all topics within a shorter time frame as we focused on what's important and stopped discussions with no effect. Another lesson, we need to focus, prioritize instead of running in circles of stupid things. Put aside rubbish and more precious time is left for what really matters! I tried it already over the last months which I just realize now while writing. Step aside and have look onto your own life. We are starting sometimes in the correct way without planning to do so but then stopped all of a sudden because we didn't realize where we already have been. Starting again the search for new ways to feel mor comfortable. What's right in front of us is often invisible. Gosh, did I learn all this in these few days Madrid? And where's the interesting part about he shopping? Sorry, guys, but my head is full of all these training methods which never apply only to your job. If it's a good trainer you will transfer it to general situations in your life because just then you realize that all these methods aren't just theory, no, they really work! We had a part about managing "others" and managing risks. If you just put it into relation with your current job role you are limiting you view on it and it's likely to get stucked at a point. But just take these words - manage, risk - and now put them into relation with you privat life, your family. Don't we all manage something on a daily basis and aren't there risks included in almost everything? Just the shopping in the supermarket is something to manage and there are unforeseen risks or risks which cause some effects afterwards. Be prepared (write a detailed list of what to buy), think about risks (I can't bake a cherry cake when cherries are out), maybe you have a back up plan (take apples instead of cherries and bake an apple pie), or there's the risk that you forgot to add something important to your list and realize back home that milk is missing. What does it mean? Unaccounted additional efforts needed (second drive back to the supermarket, additional time needed). This is really working on my mind and even if I started to write about the city, the beauty of it and the shopping areas I'm not able to do it right now. Just finish one thing at a time, also something not to underestimate. I promise I write another day about Madrid and what I discovered during my short stay there :-).
Take care and don't take life more serious than it it is!
I told you I will for sure write something when being back. At the moment I'm sitting in the plane from Madrid back to Munich and yes, I like the idea of being back in my cosy home and in my own bed at night, but if it comes to the weather I'm scared to step out of the plane after arrival in Munich. When I left on Sunday it were thirteen °C and Madrid welcomed us with twenty-six °C. The mean thing is that this was for sure my last trip into the sun for this year. From today onwards the temperature will decrease into the darkest winter season and no plans before february/march next year to escape this winter. We didn't had too much time left for just sitting it the sun and purely enjoying it but even if it was work we got a glimpse of a small vacation feeling. And Madrid is a relaxed city, people there have the typical Southern European style. Life everywhere you go, the streets in the city centre are crowded during the evening as if life I just about to start in the evening hours. Something I like so much as people seem to be much more relaxed than for example busy Germans. Having dinner at seven and not later because early sleep is needed to be back in the office the next morning at eight. Spanish people also work, at least the people I met from our company, and the workload isn't less than mine, so how do they do it? I believe that the "key" is to set priorities, to not being perfect for eight hours a day and be relaxed. I'm not saying we all have to be relaxed our whole life now, we all face challenges, hurdles, timelines from time to time but nobody can make me believe that he or she has each day the most important job on this earth and it would fall into pieces as soon as the behavior is changed. We are not ruling the world, we may have important jobs whereas the word important is interpreted in many different meanings, but we are exchangeable, most of us. This trip was in first place for an on-the-job training but it taught me also life lessons. Even our trainers who see many different countries and offices within a short period of time are hunting through the day to finish classes earlier than planned and we didn't miss important parts. I think even the opposite, we covered all topics within a shorter time frame as we focused on what's important and stopped discussions with no effect. Another lesson, we need to focus, prioritize instead of running in circles of stupid things. Put aside rubbish and more precious time is left for what really matters! I tried it already over the last months which I just realize now while writing. Step aside and have look onto your own life. We are starting sometimes in the correct way without planning to do so but then stopped all of a sudden because we didn't realize where we already have been. Starting again the search for new ways to feel mor comfortable. What's right in front of us is often invisible. Gosh, did I learn all this in these few days Madrid? And where's the interesting part about he shopping? Sorry, guys, but my head is full of all these training methods which never apply only to your job. If it's a good trainer you will transfer it to general situations in your life because just then you realize that all these methods aren't just theory, no, they really work! We had a part about managing "others" and managing risks. If you just put it into relation with your current job role you are limiting you view on it and it's likely to get stucked at a point. But just take these words - manage, risk - and now put them into relation with you privat life, your family. Don't we all manage something on a daily basis and aren't there risks included in almost everything? Just the shopping in the supermarket is something to manage and there are unforeseen risks or risks which cause some effects afterwards. Be prepared (write a detailed list of what to buy), think about risks (I can't bake a cherry cake when cherries are out), maybe you have a back up plan (take apples instead of cherries and bake an apple pie), or there's the risk that you forgot to add something important to your list and realize back home that milk is missing. What does it mean? Unaccounted additional efforts needed (second drive back to the supermarket, additional time needed). This is really working on my mind and even if I started to write about the city, the beauty of it and the shopping areas I'm not able to do it right now. Just finish one thing at a time, also something not to underestimate. I promise I write another day about Madrid and what I discovered during my short stay there :-).
Take care and don't take life more serious than it it is!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
My favorite books - Eat, Pray, Love
My favorite books - Eat, Pray, Love
Maybe interesting to share some of my favorite books once in a while. Altogether are impossible as I have many.
How to start, I start with the ones just coming to my mind when thinking about books.
The first is Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat Pray Love"
That's on the top of my list and a companion already!
I read it several times already and I also watched the movie afterwards now more than once.
Not sure if it was hitting me because I was in a same situation when I started to read it first and that's completely the reason why I like it so much or if it's really that good. What made me wondering is that I like both, book and movie, as mostly the movie never can reach the book.
It's in this case also not matching up completely as you cannot exactly translate all sense of writing into pictures but both of them has a unique kind of showing people what it is about. When reading it for the first time I was flashed of all the hidden messages in it but when reading it for second and the third time I was taking even more out of it. There are always passages which I didn't focus deep enough on during the first reading which got me the second or third time. I would say it's more detailed in description about how she feels and thinks and how hard she is trying to find her path in life but also the movie has many of this hidden sense in it too. Here again I realize each time I watch it again something "new" and this is awesome. I was never a big fan of any actress or actor but for this movie I have to say Chapeau to Julia Roberts. She fits perfectly as she's able to act like it was meant in the book and still it seems to be easy. It's kind of art to act like this and it's really appreciated, she's not changing the story to adapt it to her, she's adapting herself to fit into the story. And what's most important is that my impression of the book didn't suffer after I watched the movie, no, it was supporting it and giving a bit additional sense.
I read some recencions a few weeks ago and I have to say, call me vainly if you like, but people thinking that both, book and movie, are boring, lame, long-winded, atrabilious, they just didn't got the deeper sense behind it.
That's not a comedy story or a movie full of special effects and action, it's about the search in life we are all facing once in a while, sometimes more and sometimes less, some focusing on it more as some others and this story is for me like a guide. A guide in many senses, it's not that I start now to travel for one year to find myself, but to be aware, even if we all knew it, that I'm not the only one asking myself all those questions what life is about and how to cope with it, this is giving a little hold. How my way onwards is looking like will be totally different from the book but the main questions it raised are almost generally fitting to many of us. So, and you can call me again vainly, if not even one part of the story is hitting you, you are ignoring yourself in this game called life and others are ruling you. Which seems to be easy and common for many people on this earth, but I think that just taking the easy way is kind of running away from yourself. To focus on your own life with all needs, scars, emotions, dreams, wounds and love is the hardest way, I know what I'm talking about, but we all are talking so much about being free, taking over responsibilities for our own life, being self-determined, so why not start with yourself? If you are not starting with your own life, even if it is painful at times, you will never reach the stage where you are free. It's like the old saying "only if you are able to love yourself you will reach the ability to love others" - that's more than true, maybe even the key in life.
Start trusting in yourself and building up the faith you need to face all situations is life. It's a long way and I don't know anyone who reached the goal already or if there is a goal at all but it's sure that this is enriching!
Good luck!
Maybe interesting to share some of my favorite books once in a while. Altogether are impossible as I have many.
How to start, I start with the ones just coming to my mind when thinking about books.
The first is Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat Pray Love"
That's on the top of my list and a companion already!
I read it several times already and I also watched the movie afterwards now more than once.
Not sure if it was hitting me because I was in a same situation when I started to read it first and that's completely the reason why I like it so much or if it's really that good. What made me wondering is that I like both, book and movie, as mostly the movie never can reach the book.
It's in this case also not matching up completely as you cannot exactly translate all sense of writing into pictures but both of them has a unique kind of showing people what it is about. When reading it for the first time I was flashed of all the hidden messages in it but when reading it for second and the third time I was taking even more out of it. There are always passages which I didn't focus deep enough on during the first reading which got me the second or third time. I would say it's more detailed in description about how she feels and thinks and how hard she is trying to find her path in life but also the movie has many of this hidden sense in it too. Here again I realize each time I watch it again something "new" and this is awesome. I was never a big fan of any actress or actor but for this movie I have to say Chapeau to Julia Roberts. She fits perfectly as she's able to act like it was meant in the book and still it seems to be easy. It's kind of art to act like this and it's really appreciated, she's not changing the story to adapt it to her, she's adapting herself to fit into the story. And what's most important is that my impression of the book didn't suffer after I watched the movie, no, it was supporting it and giving a bit additional sense.
I read some recencions a few weeks ago and I have to say, call me vainly if you like, but people thinking that both, book and movie, are boring, lame, long-winded, atrabilious, they just didn't got the deeper sense behind it.
That's not a comedy story or a movie full of special effects and action, it's about the search in life we are all facing once in a while, sometimes more and sometimes less, some focusing on it more as some others and this story is for me like a guide. A guide in many senses, it's not that I start now to travel for one year to find myself, but to be aware, even if we all knew it, that I'm not the only one asking myself all those questions what life is about and how to cope with it, this is giving a little hold. How my way onwards is looking like will be totally different from the book but the main questions it raised are almost generally fitting to many of us. So, and you can call me again vainly, if not even one part of the story is hitting you, you are ignoring yourself in this game called life and others are ruling you. Which seems to be easy and common for many people on this earth, but I think that just taking the easy way is kind of running away from yourself. To focus on your own life with all needs, scars, emotions, dreams, wounds and love is the hardest way, I know what I'm talking about, but we all are talking so much about being free, taking over responsibilities for our own life, being self-determined, so why not start with yourself? If you are not starting with your own life, even if it is painful at times, you will never reach the stage where you are free. It's like the old saying "only if you are able to love yourself you will reach the ability to love others" - that's more than true, maybe even the key in life.
Start trusting in yourself and building up the faith you need to face all situations is life. It's a long way and I don't know anyone who reached the goal already or if there is a goal at all but it's sure that this is enriching!
Good luck!
Friday, October 5, 2012
The perfect getaway in the Caribbean sea
The perfect getaway in the Caribbean sea
Believe it or not, I won!
I couldn't believe it myself when I received the official announcement letter back in 2008 but it was true.
I entered a code found in a perfume package just on the web page of the producer and hit the jackpot.
Twelve days and nights for two in a five star resort on a private secluded island south east from the Bahamas.
And as if that wasn't enough, it was all, and I mean all, included. Flights from Germany over Miami to the capital Providenciales of the Turks and Caicos Islands. Transfer by boat to the island Parrot Cay which is really private and secluded plus a big amount of pocket money for lunch, dinner, massages and other amenities.
When I called my best friend to ask her if she would like to join me she first thought I was kidding but then quickly said of course we go.
Women planning a trip - what to say? A man would just pack his swim trousers, one or two pair of denims, some shirts and ready to go...
But we started lists which grew longer on a daily basis. Clothes for the beach, for breakfast, for dinner, for walks around the island, for relaxing time just sitting on the balcony, for the night, for the trip itself, sun protection, body lotion, book, sunglasses, several pairs of shoes, camera, arranging documents, are our last vaccinations still active, do we need thrombosis prophylactic stockings for the more than ten hour flight...I can go on for ages like this, women will understand, haha. We ended up with really heavy luggage just at the edge to pay overweight and our hand luggage was what some need for a three day trip.
Here we go, two normal girls on their way to an island where we found out Bruce Willis has a villa as well as Donna Karan.
After the first ten hour flight to Miami we were desperate for a coffee and for gods sake the first we saw after getting out of the gate in Miami was Starbucks right in front of us.
Our flight to Providenciales was delayed so how do women spend time while waiting? Correct, do some shopping, the first piece were sunglasses and the second a zebra scarf. We quickly realized on the island itself that there was only one shop at the reception and not a shop which was affordable for us. Unusual but this trip wasn't filling up our suitcases.
Landed in Providenciales we were picked up by hotel staff for the boat transfer to the island itself. At arrival it was already dark so the whole beauty of the secluded island wasn't visible for us that night. It hits us the next morning when we stepped out on the balcony and were welcomed with sunshine, orchidees and birds chirping. Relaxation! Silence! Beauty! Food! The terrace for breakfast was directly in front of our room and turned out to be the perfect start for a day - they offered everything you can imagine. There was not one single piece you can think of which wasn't served. It just took a few days for the servants to realize that we will need a second table to put the amounts we were ordering each day right in front of us. Pancakes with syrup, waffles with slices of mango, fresh orange juice, scrambled eggs with bacon, sunny-side-up eggs, coffee, cereals, fruits, ... Before arrival we were thinking about leaving the island for a day trip once or twice during our stay, but when being there we got into a full relax mode, which you could call also lazy mode. If there's no lack of anything an you feel completely pampered there's no reason to change it. This mode was starting off with the breakfast followed by beach with book & fruit cocktail, during lunch time we went to the bibliotheca where cookies or cake and tea were offered and where it was cooled down. The bibliotheca was also the only place with access to the web. Afterwards we either went back to the beach / pool area or enjoyed the balcony of our room. And dinner was each night a ceremony of starter, main course and dessert, no way to leave one course as they all were so delicious. Instead of leaving the island we booked massages and went to the area with steam rooms and sauna, which is awesome even in the carribean sea as you have orchidees around you and stunning sea views. All shower and body care products offered there underlined the feeling of total relaxation. I never thought twelve days on an island without places to shop or heritages to look at will keep me to stay there more than fourty-eight hours in a row but honestly, enough food, the sea, the weather and lots of silence were more than sufficient for us. We didn't even had a slight thought about leaving for shopping or crowded places.
What's the main conclusion after this trip?
If you win it, definitely accept and go! If you have to book it yourself you may choose another location which is not that expensive because it was expensive, almost not affordable for 'normal' people. If you want an idea, the trip for us with a stop over flight from Europe, twelve nights breakfast included was about twelve thousand Euro. A three course dinner was around one hundred dollar for two persons. We never had lunch and didn't missed it as it was warm during this time and after the extended breakfast also not hungry.
They offer a lot of massages and treatments which are had to resist, at least once is a must during a staying.
Not much of us are falling into the category 'I don't care about money because I have enough', if yes, book and relax.
If not, honestly, there are lots of offers even around the Turks and Caicos islands which are affordable. It won't be the secluded exclusive island with security boats during night. This is a 'nice to have' but not really something desperately needed for relaxing holidays. I have seen the beaches and the surrounding out there and it's awesome. White beach and turquoise water raise instantly a vacation mood, at least for me. I think I is kind of similar to the Maldives but I cannot assure it as I haven't been there yet. I would imagine it to be similar. Nevertheless - we loved our stay and if I'm ever in the situation of having too much money I may consider to go to a second time but with my fiancé. It's a romantic place where many spend their honeymoon or even get married.
In holiday mood? Enjoy a few pictures of the island.
Believe it or not, I won!
I couldn't believe it myself when I received the official announcement letter back in 2008 but it was true.
I entered a code found in a perfume package just on the web page of the producer and hit the jackpot.
Twelve days and nights for two in a five star resort on a private secluded island south east from the Bahamas.
And as if that wasn't enough, it was all, and I mean all, included. Flights from Germany over Miami to the capital Providenciales of the Turks and Caicos Islands. Transfer by boat to the island Parrot Cay which is really private and secluded plus a big amount of pocket money for lunch, dinner, massages and other amenities.
When I called my best friend to ask her if she would like to join me she first thought I was kidding but then quickly said of course we go.
Women planning a trip - what to say? A man would just pack his swim trousers, one or two pair of denims, some shirts and ready to go...
But we started lists which grew longer on a daily basis. Clothes for the beach, for breakfast, for dinner, for walks around the island, for relaxing time just sitting on the balcony, for the night, for the trip itself, sun protection, body lotion, book, sunglasses, several pairs of shoes, camera, arranging documents, are our last vaccinations still active, do we need thrombosis prophylactic stockings for the more than ten hour flight...I can go on for ages like this, women will understand, haha. We ended up with really heavy luggage just at the edge to pay overweight and our hand luggage was what some need for a three day trip.
Here we go, two normal girls on their way to an island where we found out Bruce Willis has a villa as well as Donna Karan.
After the first ten hour flight to Miami we were desperate for a coffee and for gods sake the first we saw after getting out of the gate in Miami was Starbucks right in front of us.
Our flight to Providenciales was delayed so how do women spend time while waiting? Correct, do some shopping, the first piece were sunglasses and the second a zebra scarf. We quickly realized on the island itself that there was only one shop at the reception and not a shop which was affordable for us. Unusual but this trip wasn't filling up our suitcases.
Landed in Providenciales we were picked up by hotel staff for the boat transfer to the island itself. At arrival it was already dark so the whole beauty of the secluded island wasn't visible for us that night. It hits us the next morning when we stepped out on the balcony and were welcomed with sunshine, orchidees and birds chirping. Relaxation! Silence! Beauty! Food! The terrace for breakfast was directly in front of our room and turned out to be the perfect start for a day - they offered everything you can imagine. There was not one single piece you can think of which wasn't served. It just took a few days for the servants to realize that we will need a second table to put the amounts we were ordering each day right in front of us. Pancakes with syrup, waffles with slices of mango, fresh orange juice, scrambled eggs with bacon, sunny-side-up eggs, coffee, cereals, fruits, ... Before arrival we were thinking about leaving the island for a day trip once or twice during our stay, but when being there we got into a full relax mode, which you could call also lazy mode. If there's no lack of anything an you feel completely pampered there's no reason to change it. This mode was starting off with the breakfast followed by beach with book & fruit cocktail, during lunch time we went to the bibliotheca where cookies or cake and tea were offered and where it was cooled down. The bibliotheca was also the only place with access to the web. Afterwards we either went back to the beach / pool area or enjoyed the balcony of our room. And dinner was each night a ceremony of starter, main course and dessert, no way to leave one course as they all were so delicious. Instead of leaving the island we booked massages and went to the area with steam rooms and sauna, which is awesome even in the carribean sea as you have orchidees around you and stunning sea views. All shower and body care products offered there underlined the feeling of total relaxation. I never thought twelve days on an island without places to shop or heritages to look at will keep me to stay there more than fourty-eight hours in a row but honestly, enough food, the sea, the weather and lots of silence were more than sufficient for us. We didn't even had a slight thought about leaving for shopping or crowded places.
What's the main conclusion after this trip?
If you win it, definitely accept and go! If you have to book it yourself you may choose another location which is not that expensive because it was expensive, almost not affordable for 'normal' people. If you want an idea, the trip for us with a stop over flight from Europe, twelve nights breakfast included was about twelve thousand Euro. A three course dinner was around one hundred dollar for two persons. We never had lunch and didn't missed it as it was warm during this time and after the extended breakfast also not hungry.
They offer a lot of massages and treatments which are had to resist, at least once is a must during a staying.
Not much of us are falling into the category 'I don't care about money because I have enough', if yes, book and relax.
If not, honestly, there are lots of offers even around the Turks and Caicos islands which are affordable. It won't be the secluded exclusive island with security boats during night. This is a 'nice to have' but not really something desperately needed for relaxing holidays. I have seen the beaches and the surrounding out there and it's awesome. White beach and turquoise water raise instantly a vacation mood, at least for me. I think I is kind of similar to the Maldives but I cannot assure it as I haven't been there yet. I would imagine it to be similar. Nevertheless - we loved our stay and if I'm ever in the situation of having too much money I may consider to go to a second time but with my fiancé. It's a romantic place where many spend their honeymoon or even get married.
In holiday mood? Enjoy a few pictures of the island.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Sleepless Nights
Sleepless Nights
I was always a good sleeper if you say it like this, means I never had problems to sleep, just a few minutes finding the right cosy position and I went to the land of dreams. Last year it started that I was facing bad sleepless nights. Nights which were totally exhausting instead of relaxing. For sure there are reasons in life why situations like this start over and it's not popping up out of nowhere. My reasons were private stuff combined with a big workload. No need to go into details, as it had something to do with being heartbroken etc. but this whole thing manifested a kind of feeling uncomfortable in the dark. Which is ridiculous because I always liked the nights, that's when I start to become creative, where my mind is fully awake. What I try is not to start fearing it, if I tell myself it may happen again tonight it will, but if I try to affirm to myself that these occasions happen only from time to time, I'm feeling better and the nights will be fine. After I found the meditation apps I'm feeling a bit safer too as they are like a rescue, almost all of them start with breathing exercises and they calm you down very quickly. But what's also important is not to ignore these nights, I think it's better to accept them and to work on a solution to get rid of them step by step.
I'm happy at this moment, happy since I met my future husband, he's like a shelter for me, my recharger. Whenever I talk to him I'm fine, even if I was totally tired before, as he brought the feeling back to my life that I'm not alone, that I'm loved and cared for and that everything will be fine. And honestly I knew always that my family is there for me too but its not the same, this feeling of being sheltered by parents or by a partner is different.
Nevertheless still from time to time I have these stupid insomniac nights, and here I have to realize that a wounded soul cannot recover within a few months, it needs time. The reason of these wounds is no longer present in my life, all these hurting thoughts are gone for months now, but regaining the full strength is the part which needs time. That's why I say to myself its better to accept it rather than ignoring it. As long as I'm actively thinking on how to be totally fine again I see that it's fading. But if I would start to ignore it I'm pretty sure it would knock me down one day as nothing in life should be ignored. It sounds a bit pathetic but during these nights I have the feeling as if my soul is telling me: "Hey, I'm on my way but I'm not yet fully back on track, so please do me a favor and take care of yourself." And that's exactly what I have to do. I'm a perfectionist and I do often too much instead of letting things go and take time-outs for myself. its always the same pattern as these nights are hitting me after a row of exhausting days where I tried to get all done which needs to be done plus even more. Days where I worked too much and am still hurrying through my life after work instead of sleeping early to take some rest.
I have no final solution but I'm assured that it will fade more and more as long as I take care. Never underestimate your mind and your soul, they are essential in life and we have to care!
Keep the faith!
I was always a good sleeper if you say it like this, means I never had problems to sleep, just a few minutes finding the right cosy position and I went to the land of dreams. Last year it started that I was facing bad sleepless nights. Nights which were totally exhausting instead of relaxing. For sure there are reasons in life why situations like this start over and it's not popping up out of nowhere. My reasons were private stuff combined with a big workload. No need to go into details, as it had something to do with being heartbroken etc. but this whole thing manifested a kind of feeling uncomfortable in the dark. Which is ridiculous because I always liked the nights, that's when I start to become creative, where my mind is fully awake. What I try is not to start fearing it, if I tell myself it may happen again tonight it will, but if I try to affirm to myself that these occasions happen only from time to time, I'm feeling better and the nights will be fine. After I found the meditation apps I'm feeling a bit safer too as they are like a rescue, almost all of them start with breathing exercises and they calm you down very quickly. But what's also important is not to ignore these nights, I think it's better to accept them and to work on a solution to get rid of them step by step.
I'm happy at this moment, happy since I met my future husband, he's like a shelter for me, my recharger. Whenever I talk to him I'm fine, even if I was totally tired before, as he brought the feeling back to my life that I'm not alone, that I'm loved and cared for and that everything will be fine. And honestly I knew always that my family is there for me too but its not the same, this feeling of being sheltered by parents or by a partner is different.
Nevertheless still from time to time I have these stupid insomniac nights, and here I have to realize that a wounded soul cannot recover within a few months, it needs time. The reason of these wounds is no longer present in my life, all these hurting thoughts are gone for months now, but regaining the full strength is the part which needs time. That's why I say to myself its better to accept it rather than ignoring it. As long as I'm actively thinking on how to be totally fine again I see that it's fading. But if I would start to ignore it I'm pretty sure it would knock me down one day as nothing in life should be ignored. It sounds a bit pathetic but during these nights I have the feeling as if my soul is telling me: "Hey, I'm on my way but I'm not yet fully back on track, so please do me a favor and take care of yourself." And that's exactly what I have to do. I'm a perfectionist and I do often too much instead of letting things go and take time-outs for myself. its always the same pattern as these nights are hitting me after a row of exhausting days where I tried to get all done which needs to be done plus even more. Days where I worked too much and am still hurrying through my life after work instead of sleeping early to take some rest.
I have no final solution but I'm assured that it will fade more and more as long as I take care. Never underestimate your mind and your soul, they are essential in life and we have to care!
Keep the faith!
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