Budapest

Budapest 2010

I went to Budapest / Hungary for business one week in April 2010. Some may remember this month as ist was the start of the ash cloud.
Work was the main part of this trip and in the beginning I thought I may go with colleagues for dinner some evenings or just have a coffee after work. But it turned out that they were not really happy about me being there and checking what they did for several reasons. I had to check the quality and when I started on the first day to detect quality issue after quality issue and they were more than angry. Not my problem as I didn't had the task to please them, I had to ensure quality, means they did wrong and tried to blame me to be to strict.
Nevertheless, I wasn't there to make friends and to get at least a glimpse of the city where I stayed for the week I decided to discover it on my own.
Fortunately my hotel was directly on the chain bridge and it was easy to walk in all directions from there. The weather could have been better as it was foggy and rainy the whole week. But instead of sitting in the hotel room after a tough day with only a partly working TV a walk was not the worst option.
I never took so many pictures within such a short stay but Budapest is full of nice spots, even in rain. The atmosphere hits me quickly because people there are smiling and friendly whatever they are doing. Given the fact that Hungary isn't one of the wealthiest countries it proofs again that money can never make you happy.
The last night was the most impressive for me as the whole trip turned out to be a mess in regards to work. One catastrophe was following the other and instead of trying to fix it together the colleagues started to work against me. I was never in a situation like this, handling everything professionell for sure, but it was not as in other countries. This was the attitude from colleagues not being able to admit mistakes, single persons, so not to judge the rest of Hungary because of them.
On my last evening it was almost the feeling as if you walk along the Thames in London so much fog over the city. I'm not sure if that's common for Budapest or if I picked exactly this time.
I walked across a market place in the centre where you hardly could see the lights surrounding the streets through the thick layer of fog over the city.
A man with a saxophone was playing and it was the most awesome time of my stay.
There I was, completely alone in a country where I don't even speak one word of their language and in the middle of a city which is completely new to me but I felt at ease at this moment. I was breathing in the atmosphere not to loose one second of it and I still remember the smell of the air. Its always the small things which last forever. A moment to remember and this one moment overlayed all stress encountered in the same city. Thanks for saying goodbye like this, Budapest. I love to think about visiting this city again one day, maybe in summertime...

First holidays on my own in Italy - part 3 (Departure)

First holidays on my own in Italy - part 3 (Departure)

One week alone in Italy - was it what I wanted?
On the bus travel back to the airport I was trying to draw a conclusion of what was good, what not so good.
There are many if I'm honest, I just tell about the main for me.
The first and most important lesson learned for me was that you always carry your mind with you, there's no escape. But if you are out of your daily routine you are able to get another view on it. You have the time to re-think, over-think, search, at least I had the passion to do so and was driving back in a better shape.
Another good experience was not to be scared of traveling alone. If you are a bit communicative you will make contact to others. I kept it on a low level as my intention was not to make friends but nevertheless I had some nice chats with tourists like the two women or my neighbor couple as well as with some of the locals, the poolbar chief who had once a gelateria in Germany, one of his co-workers who proudly showed pictures of his newborn daughter and a farmer who lived near to the hotel.
This was a nice story as I was walking by each day and from time to time I was buying some of his fruits, tomatoes, pepper, and as he was only talking Italian he teached me some phrases. This reminded me again on my wish to learn Italian, unfortunately it's still just a plan and I haven't worked on it yet. But it showed me how friendly these people are and they don't need big houses or expensive cars, they just enjoy there being which is something I took back with me.
Simplicity is often the healthier way to live instead of running after timelines, being stressed or work until you fell asleep exhausted in the middle of the night.
What I missed is someone to share the beauty with. If you are standing at the lighthouse and enjoy the beautiful view of the sea you miss someone next to you to share it with. I took so many pictures and for sure I shared them with others afterwards but the moment itself was just for me.
Also many of these places were romantic and these were the moments when I asked myself what I did wrong to be there alone instead of snuggling up into the arms of someone, but that's life. Everything which happens in life has a deeper sense.
And it was still better than traveling in a group with a guide explaining stuff you don't want to know. These guides which hold up an umbrella and you run after it. I think I would have felt even more lonely within such a group.
In the end it was exactly what I needed. I went back with new impressions, new thoughts, ready to do something in my life to change it. I wasn't completely renewed but it was a step towards myself.
I regained the faith in me, trusting myself, having the ability to change and to live in a happy way.

Do I have to explain my life?

Do I have to explain my life?

I recently asked me this question as I found myself in the situation of always explains that it's not like that, that it's different, that it's not as they think...
What was it about. It was because I met my fiancé who's not German. Even worse, he's also not fitting into the European picture as he's from the unknown continent Africa. Mystical stories about people there are in the heads of the common German or even in the heads of the common European. And for my story it's even worse. Not only that he's not European, he's also a Muslim. All cliches existent, you can be sure I heard them already.
Where is he from? From Libya. Oh god, you will soon be sitting completely covered on a camel in the desert. Yes, that was exactly what I planned for my life was my answer. You can only reply in a sarcastic way to stupid comments like this.
But what I realized in myself was that each time I was asked about him I was already answering in a defensive way. Yes, he's from Libya but he doesn't want to marry me for a residence permit. Yes, he's Muslim, but he's open minded and it's ok for him that I'm not religious at all. Yes, he has a big family in Libya but they will not influence him not to marry a non-muslim.
I saw myself acting like this and questioned myself. Why am I answering like this? Am I thinking the same way, are these my hidden fears? Definitely no. We talked hours over hours and are both completely aware that we led different lives up to now. I'm living on my own since years and was raised so freely. He was always close to his family and surrounded by them. As long as you are unmarried it's normal to stay with your family whereas for me it was normal to leave when earning the first own money and to start a life on your own. Religion plays a big role in his life, which is even bigger as we are at the moment within the holy month of Ramadan. Whereas for me religion was present in an easy way from childhood into the teenage years and as adult I decided that Christianity is not my path and I signed out officially. So I am without any religion at all.
But, and this is what we realized very quickly, even if it seems so different from an outside position, we are not too different. My family is so close to me. We are not living together, not even in the same city, but if we don't hear from each other like we are used to we feel incomplete. There are never more than two days without contact and news or changes or questions are discussed with my family before anyone else will know. And for the religious part, even if I don't have one it doesn't mean I'm unbelieving. I have values in my life, which I'm believing in, most of them already taught by my parents, who still are Christians, but I see them as values of life itself. Being honest, truthful, good to others, not cheating, not stealing, not lying, never harm anyone, don't kill, don't do something to others which you never want for yourself, and, and, and...
These are common values in life which also exist in each religion.
He met me like this, I found so many good things in different religions but I also found parts in them, where I cannot say that I agree on them. What I try is to live in the most valuable way I'm able too and to find inner peace with myself. Wherever this way leads to, I will see. And he is completely with me as he knows that I'm not worse than one with an official religion. You will find good and bad people everywhere, this is no proof.
He is him and me is me and we are happy that we found each other - so more more explanations why, how, when and where!
Maybe I write some day sitting on a camel, who knows...

First holidays on my own in Italy - part 2 (Stay)

First holidays on my own in Italy - part 2 (Stay)

I woke up early on my first real vacation day which is completely unusual for me. But why not - I wanted a change so I took it just like this and went for breakfast. I had no special plans for my day, just walking around, enjoying the sunshine, going down to the beach to see how it is, just drifting in different directions. This plan turned out to be the best I ever had. I'm sure I wouldn't have discovered all these nice places when booking a guided tour or making tough plans on what to see during the days. Capo Vaticano, it's a cute, small, one-horse town in Calabria. I walked up to the lighthouse and was already catched by it's beauty. You have awesome views from there down to the sea. A small cafe next to it served the typical ice-cream for this region called tartufo. It's hard to describe how I felt but it was a bit like Alice in wonderland, every now and then I saw beautiful flowers, small ways covered by trees with sunshine breaking through the leaves, always the sound of the sea near. Silence, exactly what I wanted. It was not the main season so not all places were crowded by tourists, it were mainly locals walking by and greeting as if we know each other in a friendly way. I was calm, more calm than all those weeks before. From time to time my past was hunting me, mainly in the evenings when it was getting dark outside, like ghosts they were appearing out of nothing but they didn't brought me down like they did before. There were too many thoughts on my mind which left not much place for them. When I felt them, I just accepted that I couldn't run away but also I started to search for inner peace to get rid of them completely one day. Thanks to Paulo Coelho here, as his 'Warrior of light' was a great inspiration. Another great experience was that I opened my eyes again to all what was going on around me. Like sleeping beauty caught in a never ending nightmare, I was awakening, step by step, back to the person I was a long time ago. Ok, without the kiss, but this was something I wouldn't even think about. Before thinking about a man I first had the task to get back to myself again. Pushing my self esteem was not on my list but it was unavoidable as blonde in Calabria. I never believed all stories about Italian men but discovered very quickly that there's a lot of truth in them. Believe it or not, cars were slowing down next me and men from eighteen to eighty were smiling and waving at me. Back in the hotel I relaxed at the pool, reading in the shadow of my umbrella, until one guy from the pool bar brought me a drink I didn't ordered. With best wishes from our cook, who was standing on the opposite of the pool waving over. The rules that staff is not allowed to flirt with guests weren't existing, at least not for them. But as long as it was not bothering in a rude way it was fine for me. To realize that I wasn't invisible was pushing my mood. Servants giving me something extra, nice to have, I knew that it's not because it's me as person but who cares, as long as it feels good. When approaches especially from the cook became more I explained there's no chance at all, I will not go for a drink, I will not drive to a private party, I just finish my drink and go in my room, alone, and sleep. He tried it again each night and in the end he was not saying goodbye like a huffish child not getting what it wanted. Poor guy, the next blonde was for sure there quicker than he thought and some will like it for sure.
The days were passing so quickly that I already thought why not two weeks instead of one. But one was ok, I was relaxing, I was calming down, I enjoyed the landscape in bright sunshine and not to forget the awesome Italian food.
What's the conclusion of this week? See part 3

First holidays on my own in Italy - part 1 (Arrival)

First holidays on my own in Italy - part 1 (Arrival)

Did you ever had the feeling of being totally worn out?
It was last year September when I had the feeling the only thing I really need is silence, time for myself, lots of it.
This year was full of stupid bad stories and I was tired, soooo damn tired of everything.
I never went on holidays alone, it was always someone around me to share things with so I was a bit scared first of booking something just on my own.
What if I feel completely uncomfortable during the holidays or got homesick?
But the urge of relaxing and calming down was bigger than the little fear in the back of my mind. Not to over stress myself I decided to split my two weeks of holidays and start with a visit of family and friends, they can bring me back on track whenever I'm unsure, and for the second week I booked my first "just me" holidays.
I chose Italy as I'm loving the country. When I was there for the first time I instantly fell in love with the landscape in Tuscany.
The food is one of my favorites and I'm also addicted to old buildings. But instead of looking for Rome or Milano I picked a small town in Calabria.
My aim was to relax and not to go from one big city to another and even if I like shopping so much, the need of silence was bigger.
Calabria in mid September meant still up to over 30°C and the sea was just a short walk away from the hotel.
Italy welcomed me with blue sky and lots of sunshine when I arrived in Lamezia Therme airport and the women from the travel agency was waiting for me to guide me to the bus driving tourists to their different destinations.
As I thought, there were so many German tourists, like the cliche with white socks in sandals, that I quickly turned my "I'm not German" mode on. After many travels I'm not too bad in pretending as I'm really almost running away when hearing my mother language in a foreign country. The last thing I wanna do is making friends somewhere. I have friends, thanks, and I'm fine just on my own. Even better than with groups of persons who order German food in Italy or expect everyone to talk German just because they are not able to adapt.
I sat down at the window and put music on my ears. It would be an one hour drive through Calabria and I just wanted to enjoy the view.
The music was not too loud, I was still able to hear people talking behind and in front of me and it proofed quickly that I wasn't wrong with my assumptions.
"How dirty, did you see? They just put the garbage on the street. Plastic bottles, they need to put them extra in a separate trash can. This would never be possible at home."
"Hey, there's a German restaurant, remember the name so we may go there one day. Honey, our hotel has a German menu, I checked it upfront.
"It's too hot here, I thought it's around 25°C, hopefully it will cool down a bit during our stay."
"Oh, did you see how the houses look like? Cannot imagine to live like they do. Awful."
"Each car has big scratches, the decision to fly was the right, not that ours got damaged here."
You wanna more, I still have many sentences in my portfolio.
I know that not everyone is like that but honestly, most of the tourists are annoying me wherever I was. I experienced the same in Hungary, Greece, Malta, UK, Spain,...
Maybe it's me, sensing it but in the end I try my best everywhere to get out of sight very quickly before I'm getting mad.
When we stopped in front of my hotel two women were leaving the bus together with me. I was the first at the reception for checking in and the receptionist was directly talking English so I communicated with her that way until I got my room keys.
The bad thing of traveling alone was the time of breakfast and dinner. I skipped lunch as I didn't want to stay near the hotel each day to be in time for lunch. But there were still the mornings and evenings where I had a singe table just for me. And I was the only person there traveling alone. It felt strange the first evening, I had the feeling as if everyone is watching me. And not only watching, also like feeling sorry for me, sitting there so lonely.
Not to feel to uncomfortable myself I started to analyze the people around me.
The couple in the room next to me was, who thought it, from Germany and the wife said hello to me when I first stepped out on my balcony. They had a table on the other side of the room and she was smiling from time to time, saying cheers across the room. He just turned once to see to whom she cheered and then they were talking to each other like couples do when eating outside.
Next to me were the two women I had on the bus. They were also saying cheers in a nice but unsure way. They were talking a bit but nothing really interesting, just about the trip itself, that it seems to be a nice spot they chose and what to plan for the next days. The rest was only looking and from the different expressions on their faces you could start to assume their thoughts.
The young couple with the baby, he was staring from time to time whereas it was for me like he's dreaming about something completely not related to me, I was just sitting in the same direction. She was looking at him as if she was jealous not realizing the situation at all. Maybe he was just tired, and she not feeling comfortable after giving birth with her own look, who knows but I wasn't the reason for the silence between them while eating.
An old American couple where both were chatting as if there's no tomorrow, where you saw they are not listening to what the other one is saying. Two people living in separate worlds but still a couple. They seemed as if they arranged and it was OK for them.
There was another old couple in a completely different style. She was only serving her husband, not saying anything without being asked. From time to time you saw in her face thoughts running but before she was starting to talk she held herself back with a sad face. He was only ordering, can you give, could you go and ask, will you bring, not even a please.
Interesting but also scary, how would I be one day? What I saw there was nothing I would love for my life.
After we finished dinner and just had our drinks in front of us my room neighbor was waving me over to join her and her husband. She told me it's hard to see someone sitting there alone although I was not looking sad or unhappy. A nice gesture and it was ok. I wanted to travel alone but that doesn't meant to avoid each human contact.
The two women who arrived with me were more than surprised and stopped on their way to leave the dinner. "Are you German? We just heard you during check-in and we're both sure you must be from UK or US, what an awesome English you are talking." Not too bad as compliment because it was proofing that I really can pretend to be anything but German if I want to. The first day was coming to an end and the first hurdles like eating my dinner alone were taken. I was tired in a good way and just sat for one hour on my balcony, reading Paulo Coelho's 'Warrior of light', listening to the chirping of crickets, enjoying the sounds and smell of Italy.